piggy
30th April 2005, 19:30
Manifesto in full:
1 - Our team of experts has decided that Income Tax has not proved popular with the public and will therefore be abolished. It was started in order to finance the Napoleonic war in 1799 and we now believe that the time is right to announce the cessation of hostilities with Napoleon. Some of the money left in the coffers will be used to fill in our part of the Channel Tunnel in case no one has mentioned it to the French. Any remaining money will be strategically placed on a horse at the 3-30 at Haydock Park at odds of at least 12/1 in order to see us through until the next election. Income Tax will be officially replaced by people lending the government a bob or two at the end of the week when we’re a bit skint.
2 - We will issue a 99p coin to save on change.
3 - We pledge to reduce class sizes by making the pupils sit closer to one another and issuing them with smaller desks. Any MP whose constituency sells off a school playing field for development will be required to relinquish their own back garden as a replacement sports facility for the school. All future Deputy Prime Ministers will be required to be fluent in at least one language to encourage the education system.
4 - All children will be given two birthdays like the Queen.
5 - The number 13 will be abolished due to its longstanding unpopularity. The bus to Acton North will now not have a number on it but not much else will be affected. Therefore if you see a bus with no number on it, it will be going to Acton North. Please remember this for future reference.
6 - Any student who says the word “Like” when not grammatically called for, as in, “Hey, I’m , like, going down the like, pub”, or, “I was,
like, don’ t do that” will be made to go and stay with George Bush for a week in order to discourage them from other stupid Americanisms.
7 - Pram lanes will be created in all shopping centres.
8 - 4 wheel drive vehicles will only be allowed to drive off road, therefore stopping mothers picking up their children from school in them when they only live 100 yards down the road. They will also be wrapped in bubble wrap to make them safer.
9 - Immigration: everyone wanting to come and live in the UK will be made welcome, so long as they are over the age of 85 and accompanied by both parents.
10 - All foreign G.Ps in the UK will be taught the local dialect so they know when their patients feel Jiggered (Tired), Manky (Rough), Gipping
(Vomiting) or have got somit rang with their Fizog (Face).
please add any other SENSIBLE idea's for policy
1 - Our team of experts has decided that Income Tax has not proved popular with the public and will therefore be abolished. It was started in order to finance the Napoleonic war in 1799 and we now believe that the time is right to announce the cessation of hostilities with Napoleon. Some of the money left in the coffers will be used to fill in our part of the Channel Tunnel in case no one has mentioned it to the French. Any remaining money will be strategically placed on a horse at the 3-30 at Haydock Park at odds of at least 12/1 in order to see us through until the next election. Income Tax will be officially replaced by people lending the government a bob or two at the end of the week when we’re a bit skint.
2 - We will issue a 99p coin to save on change.
3 - We pledge to reduce class sizes by making the pupils sit closer to one another and issuing them with smaller desks. Any MP whose constituency sells off a school playing field for development will be required to relinquish their own back garden as a replacement sports facility for the school. All future Deputy Prime Ministers will be required to be fluent in at least one language to encourage the education system.
4 - All children will be given two birthdays like the Queen.
5 - The number 13 will be abolished due to its longstanding unpopularity. The bus to Acton North will now not have a number on it but not much else will be affected. Therefore if you see a bus with no number on it, it will be going to Acton North. Please remember this for future reference.
6 - Any student who says the word “Like” when not grammatically called for, as in, “Hey, I’m , like, going down the like, pub”, or, “I was,
like, don’ t do that” will be made to go and stay with George Bush for a week in order to discourage them from other stupid Americanisms.
7 - Pram lanes will be created in all shopping centres.
8 - 4 wheel drive vehicles will only be allowed to drive off road, therefore stopping mothers picking up their children from school in them when they only live 100 yards down the road. They will also be wrapped in bubble wrap to make them safer.
9 - Immigration: everyone wanting to come and live in the UK will be made welcome, so long as they are over the age of 85 and accompanied by both parents.
10 - All foreign G.Ps in the UK will be taught the local dialect so they know when their patients feel Jiggered (Tired), Manky (Rough), Gipping
(Vomiting) or have got somit rang with their Fizog (Face).
please add any other SENSIBLE idea's for policy