balance

[piggy]

God was bored and went missing for six days. The Archangel Gabriel found him resting on the seventh day.

"What have You been up to?" he said.

"I've created the planet Earth and it will be a place of great balance."

"Balance?" said Gabriel.

God explained.

North America would be wealthy and South America would be poor. "Over there I've placed a continent of white people, and over there a continent of black people."

God talked of different countries.

"That one will be hot and that one will be covered with ice."

Gabriel was impressed and pointed to an area in England and said: "What's that?"

"Ah," said God. "That is Yorkshire, the most glorious place on Earth. There will be beautiful lakes, streams, rivers and hills, great music, architecture, and sporting giants. The people from Yorkshire will be modest, intelligent and witty. They will be sociable, hard working and high achievers. They will be known throughout the world as diplomats and peace-makers."

Gabriel gasped in admiration, thought for a moment, and said: "But what about balance, God? You said there will be balance."

"Ah," said God, nodding sagely, "let me tell you about Lancashire..."

[presto]

:grrr :grrr :grrr :grrr :uoyurs :uoyurs :uoyurs :uoyurs

:D

[piggy]

what! did i say something wrong :D

[piggy]

for the sake of balance :D

you know your a yorkshireman when....

You define Summer as three months of bad coal picking.

* Your definition of a small town is one that only has five pubs.

* Bull bars, 'Tarn Army' and 'traffic light' air fresheners come standard on all your cars.

* You refer to the Tykes as "we."

* At least 50% of your relatives used to work downt pit.

* You can make sense out of the word Asthagorowttegivus.

* You have ever gotten frostbitten and suntanned in the same week.

* You know what "twocking" is. (Taking Without Owners Consent)

* You learned to drive a Reliant Robin before the training wheels were off your bike.

* Snap is something you eat.

* You know that a bag of spice is something kids eat.

* You were brassed off by the movie "Brassed Off."

*You have no problem saying Peniston.

* You consider Holmfirth "exotic."

* Your idea of foreign culture is listening to Oasis.

* You don't have a coughing fit from one sip of Barnsley Bitter.

* Summat to Eight is a meal, not the time of day.

* You used to think Mischievous Night was included as an official school holiday.

* You know that Jump is a real place.

* You have one word that means Hello, How are you,Whats this, Hang on a minute and bloody hell! (Ayup..)

* A Chip oil and a Bug oil is a grand night owt.

* Eastern Promise is a blind date in Doncaster.

* Your idea of creative landscaping is a statue of a miner next to your Leylandii.

* You think there should be a "Southern puff, go home" bumper sticker on every car north of Ecclesfield.

* Your neighbor throws a party to celebrate his new flymo.

* A Friday night out is taking your girlfriend yomping up the tips with the rotweiller.

* McDonalds is a posh night up town.

* You go to work in a shellsuit in the morning and return home wearing someone else's shorts.

* Kids roar..

* You know how to line dance.

* pop is a drink, not your grandad

* Formal wear is a kappa shirt, union jack boxers and a baseball cap.

* You think a warm winter coat is Thompsons Waterseal

* You are unaware there is a legal drinking age.

* You have to go to Tererife to get a tan in August.

* You have caught a fish in the Dearne and it glowed in the dark.

* You know where the towns of Pogmoor and Pilley are

* You have more fishing poles than teeth...

* You decided to have a picnic this summer because it fell on a weekend .

* You know that "Oo war shi wi", "She wa wi ersen", O wa Shee Naa" "aaah shi wa" isn't Chinese

*You have subsidence insurance.

*Your idea of a cruise ship is a tin bath in the Dearne, and your idea of a foreign cruise ship is a rowing boat on Roundhay Park lake.

*You can pronounce "Alhambra" but can't spell it.

*You get on a bus marked "Jump Circular" without a second thought.

*You can cross two lanes of heavy traffic and U-turn through a central reservation while avoiding two joggers and a traccy bus then fit into the oncoming traffic flow while never touching the brake.

*You can consistently be the second or third person to run a red stop light.

*You got rear-ended 10 times by people with no insurance.

* The major question when the Barnsley Chronicle runs a restaurant review is "Whats a restaurant?"

*The rest of the review is about how Barnsley got all cosmopolitan when Burtons sold out to Ronald McDonald

*You judge a cafe by its black pudding and gravy.

*You consider having warm chips and a pickled onion as your birthright.