The best of Sid Waddell

[bigcumba]

... the voice of darts :)


"That's the greatest comeback ... since Lazarus."

"If we'd had Phil Taylor at Hastings against the Normans ... they'd would have gone home."

"You couldn't get more excitement in here if Elvis walked in eating a chip sandwich."

"He looks about as happy as a penguin in a microwave."

"Darts players are probably a lot fitter than most footballers in overall body strength."

"That was like watching Popeye when he found his spinach."

"Cliff Lazarenko's jumping up and down like a gorilla saying give me a banana."

"That lad could throw 180 standing one legged in a hammock."

"This game of darts is twisting like a rattlesnake with a hernia."

"He's about as predictable as a wasp on speed."

"Look at that man go. It's like trying to stop a water bufallo with a pea shooter."

"It's like trying to pin down a kangaroo on a trampoline."

"That's like giving Dracula the keys to the blood bank."

"As they say at the DHSS, we're getting full benefit here."

"The players are under so much duress, it's like Duressic Park out there."

[mathare]

Isn't that man ace? :D

[presto]

the man's pure gold.

"sweet as a bumble-bee" :doh

[wb]

I just love listening to that guy

[bigcumba]

Takes me back to the days of watching wee Jocky Wilson, Eric Bristow John Lowe, Bobby George and all the other brilliant characters that made darts so popular in the late 70's and 80's. Sid really was something else though.... you could never get bored listening to the guy because you knew there could be a classic quip at any time!

[bigcumba]

a load more classics from the great man... :)


1978

Rees didn’t know of he was having a shower, a shave - or washing his feet.

1979

It’s the kind of jousting we used to see when Ivanhoe was stuffing the Normans.

Tony Brown attacks opponents the way Desperate Dan takes on cow pie.

When John Lowe gets back to Clay Cross there’ll be a reception as if the Ayatollah Khomeni had walked into town.

1980

The atmosphere here is a cross between the Munich Beer Festival and the Coliseum at Rome when then Christians were on the menu.

1981

Only one word for that - magic darts.

He’s sweating like a swamp donkey.

Bobby is done up like an electric-purple liquorice allsort.

The pendulum is swinging back and forward like a metronome.

Jocky Wilson - all the psychology of a claymore.

1982

Cliff Lazarenko’s idea of exercise is a firm press on a soda siphon.

Three 140s on the trot - and the last was 100.

He’s been burning the midnight oil at both ends.

The fans now with their eyes pierced on the dartboard.

1983

Seeds are falling like chaff in a cornfield.

Bristow reasons; Bristow quickens; aaaaah Bristow!

Bristow looks as peevish as a peckish pterodactyl.

Keith Deller is not just an underdog - he’s an under puppy.

1984

Dennis Ovens has goosed the cook.

Bristow with that little finger poised - fit to grace any garden party.

Top of the tree darts - with leaves on.

1985

You’ve got to be fit to play darts.

If Brissy was at Cape Canaveral he’d take off before the rocket. IN…

When Alexander of Macedonia was 33 he cried salt tears because there were no more worlds to conquer - Bristow is only 27!

As Freud and Jung would no doubt agree, you can over-psych for a darts match.

The crowd at Jollees is sitting on the edge of their tenterhooks.

1986

John Lowe is going out faster than the Secretary of State for Trade and Industry.

The hands of Anderson weave their own fairytale - things look Grimm for the other bloke.

1992

Taylor is snapping at Gregory’s heels like an alligator with toothache.

1993

Anderson came on like the Laughing Cavalier - now he looks as narked as Lee Van Cleef on a bad night.

This final is literally turning into a Greek tragedy for the Lancastrian Warriner.

1994

The crème de la menthe of darts doing their thing in Blackpool

Jocky is going like the Loch Ness monster with a following wind.

Shane is as happy as hound dog who’s won a year’s supply of Bonio.

William Tell could take an apple off your head, Taylor could take out a processed pea.

1995

Under that heart of stone beat muscles of pure flint.

Cliff is off and looking for something yellow in a tall glass - and I don’t mean daffodils.


Some pool commentaries for SKY in 1995

As the Borgias knew full well, fine cuts can hurt.

That’s like laying a trap in the path of a blind rabbit.

If I could shoot pool like that I wouldn’t be sitting here mauling the English language.

1996

He’s got one foot in the crematorium and the other near thin ice.

He’s emoting like Kenneth Branagh giving it big licks as a villain.

Bristow’s affect on the audience like Rasputin used to have on the birds a long time ago.

Eric’s chops covered in lipstick - like he’d been mugged by an Avon lady.

1997

Hitting that bull - as good a feeling as Jason and the lads finding the fleece.

Deller is just like Long John Silver -desperately needs another leg.

You have got to have a mind like a pelican chip to maintain this mathematical consistency.

Taylor is so hot he could hit the bullseye standing one-legged in a hammock.

Dennis’ eyes bulging like the belly of a hungry chaffinch.

It might have been a bit boisterous here earlier, but now it’s got all the courtesy of a Bourbon court on dance night.

NOTE: Press now split. 50% think I’m a genius; rest think I’m probably mad and possibly have Tourette’s Syndrome.

1998 to 2003

Steve Beaton. He’s not A-donis, he’s THE Donis.

That was like throwing three pickled onions into a thimble.

This lad has more checkouts than Tescos.

It’s the nearest thing to public execution you’ll see this side of Saudi Arabia.

2004

Andy Fordham looks like a hippo in a Power shower.

2005

Circus Tavern packed - even a garter snake smothered in Vaseline couldn’t slide in here.

Meeting Taylor in this mood is like finding an alligator in your lily pond.

Wayne dancing up there like Frank Lampard swivelling past Spaniards.

Michael Howard throws Flights out of his party - at this party we throw the flights in.