Understanding The Female (the Rules)

[johnwilly]

The FEMALE always makes THE RULES
THE RULES are subject to change without prior notice
No MALE can possibly know all THE RULES
If the FEMALE suspects the MALE to know all THE RULES she must immediately change some or all of THE RULES
The FEMALE is NEVER wrong
If the FEMALE is wrong, it is due to a misunderstanding which was a direct result of something the MALE did or said
The MALE must apologise immediately for causing said misunderstanding
The MALE must never change his mind without the express written consent of the FEMALE
The FEMALE has every right to be angry or upset at any time
The MALE must remain calm at all times, unless the FEMALE wants him to be angry and/or upset
The FEMALEmust, under no circumstances, let the MALE know whether or not she wants him to be angry and/or upset
TheMALE is expected to mind read at all times
The MAN who doesn't abide by THE RULES, Can't take the heat, lacks backbone and is a wimp
Any attempt by the MALE to document THE RULES could result in bodily harm
If the FEMALE has P.M.S. all THE RULES may be null and void
The FEMALE is ready when she is ready, and not before
The MALE must be ready at all times

[bigcumba]

That explains things tonight..... :doh

[John]

In the dog house C? :(

[bigcumba]

A bit.... Wednesday I got a call from friends we haven't seen for over 18 months inviting us to dinner tonight. I say yes thinking wife will be Ok with it as neither of us is working this weekend. Wife moans because it's her weekend off... jokingly keeps on about it till about 6pm tonight but asks me to go to Asda to pick up some bits to take earlier this afternoon. Wife goes up to have bath about 6pm, comes down in foulest possible mood because I've fecked up her weekend off, doesn't matter it's my first night out this bloody year, yet she's been out several times, she moans I never go out when she suggests anything - *******s, been out for lunch, been bowling, been to cinema, other stuff, all at her suggestion. Comes to me wanting to do something it's a bloody hassle. We go over there, she switches on the happy mood, we get home she buggers off to bed without a word.

THE RULES are subject to change without prior notice
TheMALE is expected to mind read at all times
The FEMALE is NEVER wrong
If the FEMALE is wrong, it is due to a misunderstanding which was a direct result of something the MALE did or said
The FEMALE has every right to be angry or upset at any time

and a new one...

The MALE must never ever make any arrangements without prior permission of the FEMALE... and the FEMALE is of course allowed to change her mind at the last minute without repercussions

[John]

Her weekend off... first weekend free... nice dinner at friends' house... and she moans. You cannot make it up!

I'm not getting married till I'm at least 30...