the dating game

[silax]

ok thought i would start another of these just for a laugh.
first of all me and mrs silax decided to call it a day when i came back from Dubai and thats fine by me.
so now i'm on the hunt for another mrs silax so i decided to join a dating site as i'm for all intence and purposes in a new country and this one is fairly new to me i don't know that many females here and non i fancy sleeping with. now i've had a few offers to go out with mates wifes friends but they all have kids and i really don't think thats very fair on me or them because of the life i lead. thats a polite way of saying i don't do fartherhood.
so i joined a dating site on monday and so far have chatted to a few women who look interesting and i'll let you all know how its going.
first up a girl from london quite pretty and a few extra pounds but hey thats no probs i can live with that. think she lives a bit far away and will keep her on the back burner for now one for the future.
next spoke to girl monday and arranged to go out with her Friday night but she hasn't got back to me so i'll scrub her off the list.
ok met a girl yesterday nice photo looked a bit like shirley valentine and spoke to her a few times and thought well she's seems nice i'll meet her. so off i went and and was bang on time. now i'm pretty new to blind dates so i'm on the learning curve at the minute and one thing i got out of this one was a question to ask before i meet them. Have you got any tattoos from this point we will call this one Mrs Gorilla i introduced me and the first thing that struck me was she looked a lot older then her photo and she had dots tattooed on her nuckles (this is true) and various other home made tattoos dissapearing up her arms. now i'm not picky and whenit comes to women i'm not that fussy but that is not a good look to have.anyway the conversation went ok and we went our seperate ways and before hand had decided to get in touch after the date and see if we wanted to do it again.
well she hasn't been back in touch so i'm quite relieved about that but wondering why anyway if i'm gonna go out with anybody i'd like to think that i would be able to beat her in a wrestling contest and i wasn't confinced i could with that one so thats 2 strikes now.
next one up is a biker babe looks quite pretty likes motorbikes and has no tattoos on her hands so this could have possibilities may have to find a harley davidson from somewhere but i'll worry about that later arranged to meet her saturday. i'll keep you updated.

[mathare]

Where are you now then if you're not terrorising Dubai? You're not back in the UK are you?

[TheOldhamWhisper]

I'm beginning to see a pattern here - cross out the following words from your 'profile' information on the dating site:

not fussy
biker girl/chick
knuckles
tattoo

(or you may add the last 3 with the word 'no' preceding them).

[mathare]

You think Silax wants a lady with no knuckles?

[silax]

yeah i'm back in the UK and enjoying the weather :)

[silax]

well spoke to biker girl again and as i said we're meeting on Saturday night for a drink then a walk in the park hmmm now normally when i go drinking walking anywhere is not a n option will have to figure that one out as i go. hope she isn't late or the dutch courage will have gone too far.
No word from the gorilla lady i wonder if i was supposed to get in touch with her oh well guess i'll never know what was wrong with me.

[silax]

hmm wonder if John could help out here what do you talk about on a first date i think i need some get out of jail cards with me for those akward silences.
wonder where i'll wake up sunday morning proberbly in my own bed alone can't see any girl putting out on the first date if she's keen on me would proberbly send the wrong signals girls really do have small brains

[John]

This has cheered me up a little mate! :D

Good work, we'll have to share our secrets although having said that mine are probably too weird or too quirky to seriously consider... if you're anywhere near London mate, which I doubt (I presume you're in Newcastle) we should meet up for a drink. I'll leave my nunchuks at home especially. :wink :wink

Interesting thread and pretty good going to organise a lot of dates in such a short space of time. Just shows it's not that difficult to meet ladies off the Internet at short notice... keep us posted!

First date - try to avoid talking about anything work-related especially at the beginning because it tends to fall on its face after a while and you can't escape it. It's the summer, so perhaps talk about holidays, maybe ask her what kind of places she's been to - I always find that's pretty good for a conversation starter actually and she'll be impressed if you tell her you've spent the last year or so travelling and been to Dubai etc...

Don't forget to vary it up though, and ask her lots of questions. Common rule of thumb that - women love it when you ask them questions and they love talking about themselves so if you can get that bit right and make her laugh a lot along the way then you're entering the zone.

Maybe I should take a piece of my own advice!

[silax]

ok important update gorilla girl has been in touch i'm not her type just what is her type i dread to think.
and got another date lined up for sunday lunch but only if things don't go to plan with biker girl or hey they don't know each other ..........
we'll call this one home bird.

[Win2Win]

You're going to die of a heart attack from all the stress while on the job :D

[silax]

yes indeed but first things first i have to get on the job

[silax]

well just woke up in my own bed alone and trying to remember what happened biker girl turned up on time and we had a drink (a soft drink) now before we go any further i must say i'm getting a tad dissalusioned with this dating malraky if i had the balls to do it i would put up photos of the girls before and after. what i'm trying to say is a photo of what i'm expecting and what actually turns up. i guess men must put up photos of themselves that were taken 10 years ago but i don't so anywayon with the date. i actually had an ok time went for a walk chatted and no real silences in the conversation she suggested going for a drink at one of my local haunts now i know this could be a problem but i'm thinking well its quite early so shouldn't bump into anyone wrong move silax. its been ladies day at newcastle races and needless to say the bar is busier then normal and a lot of people are drunk. i bump into some of my familly ffs and as you might think a few iffy questions are thown my way but i manage to fend off most of them and they leave for another bar. now even when i was younger i had a bit of a colourful past with women and the nightmare arrives at the bar 2 girls from my distant past who i proberbly haven't seen since i left for spain and these girls have made the most of the lrefreshment at the races. One of them is so drunk she thinks i'm with my angry ex in spain well if it wasn't before this encounter any thoughts on bedroom wrestling are out the window. so i think thats strike 3 or is it strike 2.
will proberbly find out today what the damage is she was ok as well once i'd got over the shock of who i was expecting to see and who turned up. anyway after she had gone went and found my mates and drank the night away.
another lesson learnt about the dating game do not under any circumstances go anywhere where there is people who may know you.
Next up is home bird Sunday lunch in a country pub now this girl is not my type at all she is a big girl nothing wrong with that but the main drawback is she has a sprog. Now i've made it perfectly clear to her that i don't do women with children. i had a bad experience once which is another story best not told and would take a few pages to explain but me getting caught with mum by said 13 year old daughter very embarrising considering she knew my g/f of the time which wasn't her mum.
ok back to homebird i've explained to her about the no kids thing and told her it would only be practice for me and she still wants to go out to lunch with me which has me worried how desperate is this girl. but i really do have a problem saying no to women so lets see what happens. a good thing was no tattoos on biker girl apart from a squiggle on her lower back and i don't think homebird will have any tattoos on her hands really dosen't look the type and she can't be any worse then her photo which is not a nice thing to say but there you go.

[John]

You never cease to amaze me Silax.

You should say a big fat no-no to Homebird, she seems like she wants you badly and next thing you know you're the stepfather to her sprogling.

[silax]

well homebird is picking me up at 2:30 and going for my 2nd Sunday lunch of the day.
god knows where i'm going to put it.
and have arranged to meet another women on monday we'll call this one taxi girl got to dash need to get a shower and spruced up just in case home bird is a nympho are there really such things..........
hope so

[silax]

ok just got back from lunch with home bird. She was an interesting women and looked better in real life then her photo suggested.We got on well and chatted non stop for a couple of hours. At the minute i have a feeling we will meet again and become bed buddies but who knows and i have to be careful about her having a child. I'm really not interested in any more then social outings and sex with this one because of that.
got a reply from biker girl and that wont be going any further can't say i'm too bothered about that.
thats the end of the first week in the dating game with 3 dates done and 2 strikes so far. got taxi girl tomorrow this one is apparently 6ft tall and carrying a few extra pounds so am approaching with caution.

[silax]

important update home bird wants to meet me again and have arranged for tomorrow now i have a slight problem 2 dates same time so i think i have more chance of ending up in the sack with homebird then taxi girl and i have to work quick with homebird cos her sprog is due back on wedensday will try and move taxi girl to tuesday. this is starting to get a bit like spain i remember over there going to a party and there were 4 women i had slept with there and i was with g/f but that was different of course.

[silax]

another update met home bird today had a couple of coffees and have decided she is not what i'm looking for and end that before it goes too far.
at the minute i haven't got another date this week so will put in some overtime on the site and see if i can manage a couple before the weekend.
got a couple of prospects and i normally turn them into a date so should have an update soon not sure if taxi girl got my messages hope so haven't heard anything yet.

[silax]

nothing to report trying my best to get another date but so far drawing blanks whats wrong with these women. have been told i'm married, a player, lieing so and so full of crap wow there are some visious girls out there all i've done is tell them the truth about me which i must admit is a little strange but there you go i think if i told themi worked at mcdonalds and had lived in the backstreets of newcastle all my life i'd get a more positive responce.
ok undeterred by a few abusive women i will continue trying or i may just go down the local and have a few beers

[silax]

well got another date arranged with taxi girl not sure about this one as she didn't get my messages and turned up for the last one so i've got a feeling she wont show starting to think a bit like a woman. and have just about lined another one up she's a teacher and i'm on familliar territory there was almost gonna call her school girl but thought better of that name will call her. a thought has just come to my mind gonna call them all spice girls will call this one brainy spice if it comes off. how many spices are there out there looking for luv i wonder

[MattR]

Can't wait to see the write up on Old Spice

[silax]

actually that could be me talked to one girl who was 38 now i'm 43 and she said i was way too old for her guess she's missed out on travelling the world with me

[silax]

just thought of a great idea for a film or maybe i'll write a book on the subject may need an extremly patient person to prove it though

[silax]

getting somewhere with brainy spice she has a hobby thats painting and she wants to paint me naked of course. my brains on high alert with this one and my ears are twitching............... of course i'll do it if she's serious well if i'm naked how hard will it be to get her naked half way there as you say.
got a bit of a bonus one may emerge calling this one gipsy spice but she lives miles away somewhere down london i think she's having a think about where to meet me ffs if i'm going all the way down there it better not be a b&b i end up in or sold into the sex trade

[John]

If you're coming down to London and she's a minger then I'll be your date for the evening if you like, pretty sure we can find some jiggery pokery to amuse ourselves with and failing that we can dominate each other until someone cries. I paint a lovely picture.

Now what you have to do with painter girl is tell her that if you're naked then she has to play by your rules and SHE MUST BE NAKED in order to paint you naked in the first place. Your rules. You always make the rules; she breaks them. That's how it works.

[bigcumba]

if i'm naked how hard will it be

i end up in or sold into the sex trade

I'd be careful if I was you Silax, there's a roaring trade in middle aged Geordies for sex slaves. Have to say you're getting some rep for this thread mate as it's brilliant! :D

[silax]

going to a bbq tonight weather permitting now i thought i would include this because its my brothers bbq and his g/f is on a mission to get me tapped with one of her mates which i'm ok with now all her mates have young kids which i'm not ok with and have explained this to her but she seems to be forgetting all about this. typical blonde girl .
the last one she tried to set me up with was ok tall good looking but talked like she was chewing marbles anyway at the end of the night i told her about the no kids rule and i thought that was the end of it. the next week she was baby sitting at my brothers and i was on my way home from the pub now i'd had a few beers and brain had moved to its natural position for me and i got to thinking hey why not so i picked up a bottle of red and a bottle of white wine on the way home. knocked on the door and to my horror babysitter had changed i was confronted with her father.........
so i'm really looking forward to seeing marble spice again. hope it rains .......

[silax]

important update looks like brainy spice and me are going to have a date sometime next week and yes apparently she is going to paint me naked ........ well i'm not completly dim so i said i'd get my kit off if she does and she said ok no probs. might have to do it after all **** i hope its not a cold studio she'll be pointing north and i will be looking a little shrivilled the things i do to enrich my life .

[silax]

got another possible but not sure at all looks stunning and has the perfect figure and has a lot more brain cells then me will need a lot of bluffing to pull this one off might be out of my league so will call her model spice also a few years younger then me which will be new territory for me also.

[silax]

oh crap just had a message model spice wants to meet me this one will be a complete disaster no date set yet have left that upto her.

[silax]

ok update think i'm meeting brainy spice on thursday then getting painted next weekend she says she will need to wax the hair off my chest first as its harder to paint. Whats all that about then?
slightly dissapointed cos i thought first date was gonna be the painting naked bit so if she's meeting me first that might put that in jepordy.
As far as i'm aware taxi spice is still meeting me Monday not really looking forward to that one after studying her photo. oh well in for a penny in for a pound