I was asked to leave the public swimming pool today

I had a large bulge in my speedos.

Upsetting some other swimmers, apparently.

I pointed to another guy in similar trunks and asked why he was not being asked to leave
...
"because he hasn't shiiit himself" was the reply.

then I was chipped out for pissing in the pool

I told em 'everybody piishes in the pool'

not from the top diving dale they dont was the reply