Saturday 19th December
There is no easy way to say this - today hurt! Today was expensive, my fourth worst day ever in fact. The backs I am following continue to run through a real rough patch and today the lays decided to join in the fun and games. I said on today's daily waffle thread that today is the closest I can ever recall coming to quitting gambling and I really think that's true. Today was a real kicking given that I have recently put a lot of effort into doing all I can to make sure my house is in order when it comes to gambling. I have given my portfolio a thorough examination and checked all my staking and still I suffer days like this - it just doesn't seem fair does it? That's because it's not, like the rest of life.
I think I know why today hurt more than other days, and it's not just the amount of money I lost (although that is surely part of it). It's my health and state of mind too. You may (or may not) know that for several months now I have been suffering abdominal pain. Constantly. I've seen my GP plenty of times and tried tons of different tablets. I've seen consultant gastroenterologists and had three endoscopies (two gastrocopies, one colonoscopy) plus numerous blood tests and an ultrasound. And I am still in pain. Recently my GP put me on peppermint oil tablets as an anti-spasmodic and they really helped - most of the pain was gone after taking the tablets. Until a couple of days ago. The pain came back with a vengeance and the peppermint oil tablets just aren't doing it for me any more. I have upped the dose to the maximum stated on the info leaflet but I am still in pain. It's been around 8 months of pain now and despite all the drugs and all the tests the NHS is no nearer finding out what's wrong with me. Do you know how frustrating that is? It's also pretty depressing.
I gave up my job (that I hated anyway) in August as I couldn't work through the pain and wanted to reduce my stress levels (not that it seems to have made any difference to my condition) so I have no income. I was claiming Employment Support Allowance but my medical certificate ran out recently. But that's OK as the peppermint oil tablets are working and I could go back to work, right? Right, a week or two that was the case but no longer. I have an appointment with a GP (but notmy GP) on Monday when I hope to get more drugs and a new medical certificate. Until then it's pain all the way.
So my mind isn't exactly 100% to say the least. The pain I am in is ball-breaking enough without my only source of income kicking me in the knackers too! That partly explains why I felt like quitting. But I have calmed down now, relaxed a little. I was watching Rain Man but I couldn't focus, my mind was racing. Updating this is cathartic in many ways and helps me clarify my thoughts so let's get it all down on 'paper'.
My worst losing days tend to coincide with poor days on the lays; the backs down help but losing backs are a steady dripping away of funds whereas a bad day on the lays can wipe weeks, if not months, of previous profits. I need to reduce the impact of such days of my bottom line. How? Diversification.
I think my portfolio has a pretty reasonable balance in terms of backing and laying systems and I don't have all my eggs in one basket when it comes to the sports I bet on. Most of my turnover is on the horses, sure, but I have bets on football, darts, rugby and all sorts of sports. I have been trialling a football tipster for the past month or so and things are looking pretty good there so that could be something to follow up on. The new SBC newsletter is out next week too so over the christmas break I may well scour the pages of that in detail looking for other non-racing services to bring on board. I really think I need to start increasing my turnover on other sports so that the racing doesn't dominate my betting activities so heavily. What the the chances of racing, football and all the other sports kicking me in the nuts at once? It has to be lower than just one sport doing it.
As well as diversify my betting activities I need to think about other ways I can bring in a few quid on a fairly regular basis. I have done some writing in the past and am thinking about picking that up again. I am also developing some software that should make a difference once I get it into a workable position but that is many months, perhaps ever over a year, away from reality due to the complexity and scale of the project. Still, I am determined to make it work for me and when it's done it could be a really good revenue stream but as I said that is somewhere down the line. But gambling will still have to be my main income source (I'm in no fit state to work really) so I could do without any more kicks in the balls like I had today. I am pretty confident I am in a good position to make hay when the gambling sun finally shines but at present it feels like it's thick grey clouds as far as the eye can see. I need to remain positive (about everything) and ensure I am making steps towards what I want to achieve no matter how small those steps are. But I also need to recognise I am making such steps and content myself with that. There are a lot of positives to what I am doing these days and I need to remember that. Of course, winning a few quid along the way would help :wink