My neighbour knocked on my door at 2.30am this morning. Can you believe that - 2.30am?! Luckily for him I was still up playing the bagpipes.

I saw a poor old lady fall over on the ice one day last winter. At least I presume she was poor - she only had £1.20 in her purse.

I woke up the other night to find the ghost of Gloria Gaynor standing at the foot of my bed. At first I was afraid.......then I was petrified.

I spent £40 on eBay last week for a wotsit enlarger.
Just opened it and some cheeky git's sent me a magnifying glass!